But it has also seen a rise in the misinterpretations and misconceptions in what well intentioned caregivers think they should be doing with children under the disguise of “Respect.”

If I had a dollar for every time I heard these statements, I would be retired on the beach in Bali sipping Pina Coladas!

Now this is where I have to take a big breath….. annnnnnnd breathe…. exhale……

First of all, let me be very clear here - Leaving children to cry is not RIE!

This is a sad misconception that I hear too often that is time to lay to rest. This is the opposite of RIE which embodies respectful care of our youngest children. Crying is a form of communication for infants and toddlers who do not yet have the words to tell us what we need to know. SO if we simply ignore crying, we are essentially ignoring the child’s attempts to communicate. Would you ignore a colleague who was telling you something?

There are many different types of crying that communicate what a child is feeling or needing. In an attuned relationship with infants and toddlers, we will often instinctively know what this cry means. We all know the difference between a slow, whimpering cry that is accompanied by the rubbing of eyes (probably tired), and the high pitched cry with a large inhale before letting it all out (yikes are they hurt?!). When we have built a strong, reciprocal relationship with a young child, we will come to know what each of their cries usually means.

The neuroscience research is abundantly clear these days - children who are too frequently operating in a heightened state of stress or distress, are not children who are going to thrive. If children experience an environment too often where their crying and needs are not responded to within a reasonable time frame, consistently, and lovingly, they are learning that these people are not to be trusted. And we are screwing with their brain development.

Now let’s note here that a response does not have to mean that the child is picked up, shushed, jiggled and tap tap tapped on the bottom. How we respond to crying is what matters. In a busy infant and toddler room, where we may be responsible for the care of 4 - 5 children at the same time, children sometimes might have to wait for us to attend to them. This is the same in a family where there may be older siblings - waiting is inevitable and can be tolerated for a short time.

This is another misconception that we need to eradicate. Let’s face it, how many adults do you know who are good at waiting? Think about the last time you stood in a cue at the supermarket tapping your foot. Infants and toddlers are in fact very capable of waiting for a little while, IF they know that we can be trusted. And IF they have a relationship with us that is reliable, consistent, loving, attentive and responsive most of the time.

There are a range of ways that we can respond to a crying child that let’s them know we understand that they are communicating with us and that we hear them;

The next time I am crying, I would feel truly respected and cared for, if someone who cares about me responded thoughtfully and with love.

Oh and please don’t pick me up and tap my bottom. That would just be weird!