
What does the research say?
Research tells us that the part of the brain responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation is not well developed in children under the age of 3. Toddlers experience the world through urges and feelings. They see something that interests them, so in their mind, it becomes theirs. Whether the item belongs to another child, or another child had it first is not relevant to them. In fact, it’s not even on their radar.
They haven’t quite grasped the concept of “ownership” in the way that we understand it as adults. Consideration of other’s feelings and altering one’s own plans in response, is an incredibly complex social skill, one that belongs to parts of the brain that toddlers haven’t quite tapped into yet. And that’s okay.
What this all tells us that a child who takes a toy from another or refuses to share is not self-centred or spiteful. This behaviour is not an expression of bad character and is not something that needs to be fixed. All it means is that this child is a healthy and curious little person is exploring the world around them in the way that toddlers do. Exactly where they need to be. Perfectly imperfect.

#4 Model Kindness
As Magda Gerber once said, “what we teach is ourselves”.
Toddlers are naturally inclined to observe other’s behaviour. They rely on responsive adults in their environment to demonstrate acceptable and expected ways of interacting. They watch us more than we realise and are constantly soaking up new information based on what they see.
So how do we teach kindness?
You guessed it! Model it! Throw kindness around like confetti as they say! Practice it in your interactions with children, with your co-workers, with parents and families. When we are kind, they are learning to be kind. Be intentional in your interactions and ensure that your behaviour encompasses the attributes you are trying to encourage.


written by
Brittany Hallett
Early Childhood Educator, B.ed ECE Teaching
Brittany is an experienced early childhood teacher from Paeroa, New Zealand. She has a strong passion for RIE based practice and works with infants and toddlers in ECE.